Say bye bye to CMV

Today after finally heard the news from our doctor, I cried. For the first time since Peter's birth, I cried not because of sadness, stress, or anger, but because of a huge relief and happiness. Now we can officially say "bye bye" to CMV.

Looking back the past three and a half months, we had it really hard. Since our infectious disease doctor told me that two kids in her research program had onset hearing loss at age 16 and 18 because of congenital CMV, and that even perfectly healthy kids can go on to develop symptoms any time for the rest of their lives, I was stressed out every single day. When Peter cries, I worry that he hurts because the viruses are attacking him again. When he doesn't eat, or when he even looks tired, I worry that his immune system is down and CMV might fight back. When he sleeps through things I worry if his hearing is getting damaged. When he doesn't sleep I worry too, and I get sleep deprived of course, that makes it worse. I also feel guilty for putting Peter through all these, even though I know perfectly well it was not my fault that he got CMV. Anyway, I was a stressed out mess. 

I was angry a lot too. I was angry that the Lord chose Peter and chose us. I was angry at people who have healthy children. I was angry that I just wanted to give up but I couldn't. I was even angry at people who congratulated me for having a healthy baby, can you believe it? I wanted to go back in time and tell them how ironic it was and how I wished they were right for having a healthy baby. I know, I was twisted angry at times. 

We even changed our original family planning, we first thought we should wait a long time to have our last baby but then I felt it was not enough. I was even leaning towards not having any more children any more. It would have been a really bitter decision, but sometimes things happen and we have to be prepared for the worst. I wanted to make sure Peter will be well taken care of,  should he develop any symptoms, or should he need my full attention for the rest of his life. 

It was a blessing that there was a way to figure out when Peter got CMV. So that we don't have to second guess it any more or be stressed for the rest of our lives worrying. And it's an even amazing blessing that Peter got it after birth. Which means that we can now go back to our original track and know that Peter will most likely going to be as healthy as every kid can be. 

This trial has made me to realize what a blessing it is to have a healthy baby. I definitely took it for granted with the other two. 

I really wanted to write this down to remember this trial. And also I really wanted to thank all the people that supported us through it. I feel like we are given a new life, and it's everything to be thankful for.