China episode 2- life changing trip

This China trip has been a life changing trip for me and my family.

Since I am not pregnant and more relaxed this time, I am more in a peaceful mind to build a relationship with my mom. The more time I get to spend with her, the more I get to know her, the more I realized that she is a wonderful person. I know that mother-daughter relationship is a given in most circumstances, but not mine. I have been bitter and maybe even hateful my entire childhood and youth for not having anybody there for me when needed, and I can feel that this trip has melted the ice wall I've built in between me and my parents. I can finally accept that my parents had to do what they needed to do to make a living and "forgive" them for missing out on my childhood. When I didn't have bitterness in my heart, I found them lovable, generous, forgiving, compassionate and caring. They care for me, not because it's their responsibility, but because they "LOVE" me. I guess it takes me being a parent and facing life choices to understand the choices my parents made. I have been rethinking my life choice recently, specifically about going to law school. I have forgotten my family when I made the choice. It appears to me that I am making the similar choice my parents made, to choose to miss out a lot on my kids's childhood, the only difference is that there is no need for me to do so to make a living. I know Sam has been supportive of whatever I want to do as long as I think it's right for me, but it doesn't necessarily mean it's right for our family. We are finally done with the stressful students' life, and starting to pay off our debts, and now I want to bring our family back to the stressful life again. Assume it's going to be stressful for me because I have to try harder than most students to make up the language disadvantage. How much stress is going to be put on our family? My poor husband and kids are going to be the ones suffer the most and I will be missing out a lot on their daily life, be not a help but a burden for many years down the road. ( I am in no way judging working parents here, everybody's circumstances is different and I have no right to judge. )

Some friends came to visit us at my parents' house with their kids. For  most of those families, both parents had to work to pay for housing and make a living. Both salaries are very much needed. Their kids had to be sent to school at a very young age if being taken care of by grandparents is not an option. I am so lucky to have the luxury and a choice to stay home. It's nice to change point of view sometimes, to put things into prospective.

Even though I've thought through the whole thing, it's still hard to say goodbye to my 2 months' work, pages of notes, half studied 600-page book and lots of drill sets. I feel like I have wasted not only my time but Sam's sacrifice for taking care of kids for me so I could study. Sam explained to me the "Sunk cost fallacy" and it does make sense.

And the best news of the trip is that my mom may be coming to the US to visit me earlier next year! We have never talked about actual plans before but this time, we talked about booking flight tickets and applying for passport and visa. Its a big step in our relationship and I am super excited! I know that deep down I am always that little girl fighting for my mom's attention and now I have won. All the bitterness for her not being here for my babies' births have all gone out of the window. I am a happy little girl!!

May need to leave these in China so I can fit more Chinese children's books in my suitcase 

My parents bought the apartment we are looking at right above the garage

Playing "Spot it" in Chinese with second cousin

More scooter with my youngest Aunt, she is my favorite!

Ready for some night time fun!

Bath Fun! Last time when we visit without Sam, taking a bath was too hard. So my mom bought a tub this time.

Enoch directing kids and adults to play "Uno" in Chinese.

The cute matching outfits my aunt (my mom's older sister) had made. The woman behind Michael is one of my dad's sisters

Peter loved this car and it was hard to take turns.

A new Chinese game we bought. Fun!